Afterthoughts
by Steve1357
Summary: A oneshot of the despair they sink into after the battle, when the titans are gone for the day.


**So this is a little oneshot, cooked from the depths of my mind. It's kinda third person, and I was inspired to do it after reading some manga on the series, and then re-watching a bunch of episodes from the anime (Japanese with subtitles, of course. Dubbed is weird). **

**There really isn't a timeline that this fits into perfectly. Just assume it's about right after they join the Recon/Survey Corps.**

**Enjoy.**

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><p>The sunset, bright crimson, casts shadows across the clouds.<p>

It's been a grueling day outside the walls. Everyone is tired, having fallen into monotonous despair and grief.

There is someone crying. There always is.

Who will it be next?

In one such wagon, a group of people has set up. It's quite apparent that they have been through many hardships together.

Connie and Sasha are looking dejectedly at the ground. Armin is staring into space, deep in thought. Even Eren and Jean aren't arguing like usual.

Each of them is lost in their own dark world, when someone speaks up.

"Who's hungry?"

It's a simple question. It's Sasha, naturally, but despite her statement, she isn't hungry. None of them are, after having seen their comrades, people they never tried to understand, get devoured at the hands of the Titans.

Perhaps it's better that way. It makes the screams and the cries, and the sick snapping sounds in battle seem less personal.

It doesn't do anything to lessen the bodies, though. They pour in, each day. Sometimes, it's only an arm, a limb here and there, strewn across the ground, to the point that it makes complete retrieval impossible. Other times, it's the almost whole body of a person that has escaped, before succumbing to blood loss.

And the blood, in all of its crimson glory just pours in, day after day, staining the sky red and bleaching the ground until their whole world is red until they are sick of sunsets, sick of red and they just wish it could all end right there.

But they know, that to avoid becoming a faceless nobody, splattered across the ground, they must keep their strength up. After all, your personal impact on the world only lasts as long as the people who remembered your quirks, your person, and your life, and people don't last very long in their world, a world ruled by the mindless superiors, both people and titans alike.

And so, they must eat. What was a simple everyday pleasure back home has now become a chore.

Jean speaks, "Potato Girl, give me some. I haven't eaten all day."

Soon, stale bread, field rations, and a tasteless cold sludge they call soup is distributed, and the air is filled with munching sounds, halfhearted attempts to conceal the despair they all feel.

But worrying about your death is bothersome. It messes with the mind, until the only thing you can think about is the titans you have killed, your past life, the people who have died, the things you hoped to do and now cannot accomplish.

It is truly the most effective weapons the titans have, their psychological terror factor. It raises your fear to new heights, where it can throw you back down again, and when you reach your vertex point, the titans get you, all while you are staring, dumfounded, in shock, in pure terror. They grab you before you can even fall into despair. It's a quick, but wasteful death.

Mikasa and Eren are sitting together, sitting in mutual silence. It's not so much as the horror as simply their childhood bond showing through their soul. After all, their struggles stretch deep into the past, before the titans.

They sit together, next to Armin, and every now and then, some trivial words are exchanged between them. From childish bullies to titans, everything has changed. And yet, everything is the same. History repeats itself, again and again.

The pranksters, Connie and Sasha, are sitting together as well. No childish pranks today, with their energy spent. Krista and Ymir are close by, with Bertholt and Reiner off to the side.

And Jean. He's sitting, watching the quiet commotion, wishing that somehow, he could become accepted into a group. So he walks slowly over to Eren's little group.

"Hey," he says, and he plops down next to them, a wide gap between them. Not out of disrespect or fear, but because he doesn't know if he'll be accepted yet, and despite their countless arguments, he values them as people. Especially Mikasa, though nowadays, he's good at concealing it for the most part.

He only receives a grunt of acknowledgement from Eren.

After a while, Eren speaks up.

"How many did you kill today, Jean?"

"I think it was three."

"Bullshit, I only saw one, and it was an assist."

Neither of them are in the mood for arguing, however, and Eren asks Mikasa the same question.

"Four."

That was an astronomically high kill rate in the Corps, if it was accomplished on a daily basis. Despite the numbers that were encountered, the actual number of titans that were killed remained quite low. Low enough for one to question their usefulness for humanity.

Were they actually doing anything? Could the townspeople, with their mocking ignorance, actually be right?

No. It couldn't be. They were soldiers, fighting against tyranny, against superiority, even when hope was a dry well that had run dry.

Armin has been thinking about their precarious situation the whole time. Pompous, idiotic, rich humans with power on one side, and terrifying titans on the other.

"Does humanity have a future?"

Armin is shocked that he said it out loud, but now the words are out there, in the world, to seek their own destiny. Nothing can stop them now.

He wished their lives could be that simple, but it's an everyday struggle just to survive, let alone sacrifice everything and accomplish something.

"Of course it does," mutters Eren. His voice is lacking the usual conviction.

"I dunno. Things are pretty screwed up right now."

Jean knows that they are losing support in the royal government. Things are looking desperate economically, not to mention the emotional havoc on the soldiers.

"One day," Eren begins, "One day, when we have killed- no, vanquished every last one of the titans, we will go see the ocean. The glittering, gold expanse of water that signals freedom from oppression. I am going to drag you there, Jean, so we can all prove you wrong. You hear me?"

It's a typical everyday Yaeger speech. But it's spoken from the heart, and it makes an impact, when they start thinking about it. After all, hope can be found, even in the darkest places.

The bloody sky is long gone now, and only a dark gray expanse of clouds and stars remain, like the world is wiping the slate clean.

When they set up camp, much later in the night, sleep sets in quickly.

The next day, it's a bright cheerful day. Birds chirp, and any hint of the deep crimson of yesterday has become all but a memory.

As the light blue sky gives way to the sun, they look to the horizon. Lots of things could be said at that magical moment, when the sun leaves the earth, no longer bound by its limits. Nobody speaks for a moment, and they stare. A thousand words could not express the emotional hope that the cleansed sky represents.

And then, they get back to work.

They are survivors.

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><p><strong>Okay, I actually think that turned out pretty well. I was reading Chapter 50 of the manga, when Eren and Mikasa have a moment, and I tried to write a fluffy fic. That obviously didn't work, but I like this too.<strong>

**I hope nobody seemed OC. I think I captured it pretty well, but if you have any suggestions, tell me please. Suggestions are always good.**

**I have a thing with sunsets. I've always been a wildlife kind of person, and when you are hiking, collecting things and all of a sudden you realize that you are all alone with a gorgeous sunset/sunrise blowing up the sky with its color, it makes a huge impact on your thoughts, and when you look around you and everything is just there, just beauty that cannot be described, laid out in front of you, it is a time to sit back and ponder life's secrets, and save those alcohol collecting vials for later.**

**I honestly think my writing got a lot better after I started English I, but that's just me.**

**Now for my homework…**

***sighs***

**Thanks for reading, and remember that no matter how desperate things seem, always live everyday life to the fullest.  
><strong>


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